Funny one liners internet dating

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“I told him to be himself, that was pretty mean I guess.” – Roger Sterling 29. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.” – Ben Bailey 30. When you’re high, you can do anything you normally do just as well. That’s where rich people go to live the rest of their life in the woods.” – Patrice O’Neal 37. A lot of people don’t realize that.” – Mitch Hedberg 38. “There’s a reason it’s called ‘girls gone wild’ and not ‘women gone wild’. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.” – Louis CK 42.“I taught Sunday School for two years. “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen 44. “Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking.

“My father is schizophrenia, but he’s good people.”- Stewart Francis 31. You just realize it’s not worth the fucking effort. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield 39. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana — mafia.” – Jim Gaffigan 40.

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Just some very funny summations from some very funny people, all told in one line. If two people back out, you’re still having sex.” – Gregory House funny one liners " data-medium-file="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg?

Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people. w=786&resize=786,786&quality=95&strip=all&crop=1" data-large-file="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg? w=1140&resize=1140,1140&quality=95&strip=all&crop=1" class="alignnone size-full_bleed wp-image-888697" src="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg? w=1140&h=1140" alt="funny one liners" width="1140" height="1140" srcset="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg?

“The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.” – Unknown 25. “I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper 46.

“I tried to change my password to penis but they said it was too short.’ – Unknown 22.

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“I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.” – Unknown 7. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.” – Unknown 8.

“I have 3 kids and no money, why I can’t I have no kids and 3 money.” -Homer Simpson 9.

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