Dating a shy divorced man
You’re not looking for the one that looks like it hasn’t ever been touched. And by the way, you don’t have to have been married to have baggage. As someone who hasn’t been married or been in a decades-long relationship, I worry about the opposite judgment–that someone will think I’m not capable of sustainable love or long-term connection. One woman who didn’t even know me said, “Oh, you’re single–you mean divorced? There’s not one person you could meet right now who hasn’t been hurt before. While dating a divorced man may pose special problems, don’t just reject this group of guys outright.In all types of relationships there are various sets of problems. But in today’s world, where divorce is the norm, you might want to reconsider. A divorced man is likely to already have made mistakes in the past that an unmarried guy may not yet have experienced. Make sure you’ve got someone who admits to past mistakes and wants to do better in the future.
I’m not saying that divorced men are better than single men–but I’m saying that if you write off a dude because he loved someone before, you’re being shortsighted. This weird idea that we have to be someone’s first love, that he or she can’t have had any life before us, is naive and crazy and, I’ll say it, selfish. In the end, this man and I were not a match; we ended up wanting different things. I’d be far more leery of the person who’s got nothing–no carry-on luggage, no past, no prior commitments, no lessons learned, just a toothbrush, a change of clothes, arms swinging free.Yeah, there might be some special issues with divorcees. Your initial reaction to the idea of dating a divorced man might simply be - No thanks!But if you think back to your previous relationships (with guys who’ve never been married), you’ll see that there are plenty of problems with these other types of men too. But in today's world, where divorce is the norm, you might want to reconsider. One of the most serious boyfriends of my adult life was divorced, or divorcing (he’d been separated a year). He knows what it is to be humbled by love, and to put other people first.