“The misconception is that borderlines are nonfunctioning people, but borderlines tend to be very smart, intellectual people.
A lot of the time they’re actually very high-functioning.” As one would imagine, it’s pretty scary to disclose a mental illness to your partner, no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in; it's not unreasonable to be afraid to scare a partner away.
She says, “I think it still has that stigma that's attached to it from the '70s, where people associate it with these extremes when in reality a ton of people function with it every day.
It's not always wild mood swings from one minute to the next, and I think people have a tendency to be wary of mental illness because it seems ‘difficult.'” New Yorker Eve, 24, adds, “The biggest misconception I've seen, through media, is that it's your typical crazy girl that tries to manipulate everyone.” Mc Keon agrees that these are common misjudgments.
Imagine your partner’s friends warning them to steer clear of you.
On top of this, imagine experiencing exhausting mood swings and an unavoidable fear of being abandoned.
Relationships require work, compromise, communication, empathy, and understanding.
Otherwise, I have to kind of disclose things when I have a moody or depressive episode and have inevitably taken it out on them." Mood swings or depressive episodes that can last for days are common in BPD, so if you're spending a lot of time with your significant other, you can bet that they’ll see you experiencing a low.She adds, "I wouldn't say it's ruined any relationships, but I would say that I am very hard to love because of it.” Courtney, a 24-year-old living in Minnesota, has been married for three years while battling BPD, among other mental illnesses.“My husband was very supportive but didn't fully understand what it meant at first.I had to keep telling him he didn't know the ‘full me,’ until he was around long enough to see a lot of the effects of BPD.” Mc Keon cautions that many people won’t know what BPD is, let alone understand it.She advises, “If I was someone who had a borderline personality and I started dating somebody, I’d talk more about how attachment is difficult for me. Talk more about the qualities that they need in a relationship to feel safe so that their borderline tendencies won't be exaggerated.”All three women agree that BPD has taken a toll on their dating lives and has put them in less than ideal situations.